I hated gay people.
This was a sentiment often covered up by statements like, “I am being compassionate for their eternal status with God”, or “Hate the sin, love the sinner”, or “God did not create us to have sex with people of the same gender”. I was a harbinger of repentance, of purity, and of chastity for those who had succumbed to the whims of desire, a fallen culture, and the poor misguided choice of the psychologically needy to seek out someone of the same gender to fulfill their dark sexual desire. I had a very clear and indubitable assumption that a “practicing” homosexual could not receive Christ and those who believed they had, were deceiving themselves. After all did not John say, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”?
But these were statements to absolve me of my own guilt. The truth is that I hated gay people because they were a disease to the world and the the Church. Gay people were pedophiles, sexual addicts, and the source of the AIDS epidemic - something God must have brought upon us to make us aware…of them.
Then my sister came out and everything began to change.
As with many in my position, there was a clear period of mourning. At first it was because my unconditional love for her was in clear conflict with what I believed to be the Truth of the Bible and what God had clearly revealed to humanity regarding our behavior, and how we ought to respond to the act of salvation that Christ performed. Her lifestyle did not fit within my picture, and I had to find a way to resolve the conflict.
It took me a while to reach the point where I could even say that I still loved her, but I did not love her lifestyle and could never affirm it. Homosexuality to me was no better than an addiction. Sure addiction is a disease and no one chooses to be addicted to anything. But a choice has to be made at some point to engage in behaviors that lead to addiction. And addiction comes as a result of a lot of environmental variables that make it more likely. However, it is this very connection between addiction and homosexuality that caused me to doubt my idea of what homosexuality was for me at the time.
You see, my sister was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. My family is loaded with people who have self-medicated in order to compensate for chemical imbalances and too much stress probably as a result of mild OCD issues and clinical anxiety. I literally watched her walk the path of self-destruction and pain as an addict. What I did not know is that her own struggles with her sexuality were participating in her sense of pain and not helping her situation at all.
Her recovery from addiction was accompanied by her coming out. Learning that these two events were irreducibly related was not easy and was very hard for me to visualize. Her own psychological well-being depended in large part on her reconciliation of her sexuality with her identity. Rather than her coming out being a sign of self-destruction, it was a sign of healing - evidence that she was OK with the world. I could either reject that evidence even though it was obvious and clear, or accept that evidence as valid and change my picture of Truth. The latter would allow me to love my sister unconditionally, the former would constrict my love for her with self-imposed conditions.
I had to reconcile my understanding of unconditional love with the conditions that lead to my sister’s own healing process from years of pain and addiction. So the question slowly moved from How can I love her and hate her sin?, to How can I love her for who she is? And it was this question that forced me to accept and radically change my world-view to see that homosexuality is not a sin, but a gift.
If God truly is love, and if my sister could find love, is not God an active participant in that love too? If my sister could receive Christ, truly and only after coming out, does that not suggest that homosexuality is not an aberration of nature, but as integral to the fabric of our world as heterosexuality? See, the evidence that the love of God can be released in the context of homosexual love, or what I now prefer to call gender-neutral love, forced me to change my ideals just as the clear evidence that evolution is real and the universe is 13.5 billion years in the making forced me to change my ideas of what Genesis really must mean.
After 10 years of struggling with the question, my sister is now entering her candidacy to be a minister of Word and Sacrament in the Episcopal Church. She asked my wife and I to participate in her exchange of vows with her partner as witnesses. My wife and I are the only ones in either family to have been there for that ceremony in Toronto. Her sexuality has been a witness to the redemptive power of God’s love, not the myth of a God who will punish persons who have sexual orientations other than heterosexual.
Not to affirm the presence of God in her relationship, is to deny the very existence of God for if God is love, God is with them and creating them to be better servants of the Kingdom now, that it may become fulfilled in our midst.
Drew Tatusko is an academic administrator and instructor at Mount Aloysius College in Cresson, PA. He has an M.Div. (1999) and a Th.M (2000) from Princeton Theological Seminary. He lives with his wife, two sons, two dogs, two cats, and the occasional foster dog in Duncansville, PA. He graduated from Westminster College (PA) with a B.A. in religion (1996). He is completing his Ph.D. in Higher Education from Seton Hall University and posts frequently to his blog Notes From Off-Center. He is currently an elder at his church, an affiliate with the PC(USA).
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Drew,
Thank you so much for sharing your story so honestly. You had me from word one and it only got better…but then, you have to think things can only improve when something begins with “I hated gay people.” Again, thank you for telling the story of your transformation of the heart. Powerful stuff.
drew, thanks so much for your post…and yet so many argue that the crux of the sexuality debate is about whether or not the gospel is a gospel of transformation…your story i think helps set the record straight on that one.
Thanks for the thoughts. I did not even go into how this forced me to do a radical paradigm shift with how I read the bible and do theology. Even the idea that theology is something that we do, it’s an action, a way of being in the world, was not on the radar before this 5 year period or so…
My perspective now is that the bible and our theology mediate grace, but are not even the source of grace. Once we cease to allow God to have the control to dispense justice and we do it ourselves, we have lost something crucial in how we actually life a life of resurrection and transformation.
And if that don’t preach, nothing really does.
Nice post Drew. I also went through a long process in overcoming the homophobia of my evangelical paradigm. I don’t have any family that has come out, but I’ve had many close friends who have struggled with the stigma of homosexuality. What really changed me was a roommate who found no friends in the church and ended up walking away from his faith. For me something is wrong if people are excluded from the encounter of God simply because they don’t fit the expectations of the group. I’ve also adopted a strong theology of an open table.
thank you for sharing. I don’t agree with much of what you said but I can understand how your sister made this such a meaningful and important issue. Sort of like Dr. Rodgers and Mel White.
Alan
Alan,
I am not sure what it is that you could disagree with. Was it how I reconciled love with truth? Just curious.
Drew,
What an awesome and refreshing post, thank you for sharing your story.
Bless you!
Andrew,
I am courious after reading your post, Are you still a Christian?
And, if so, how do you reconcile that God hates Homosexuality and clearly states that homosexuals will NOT get into Heaven?
RB,
I think the question is both leading and totally unfair. I clearly do not believe in the assumption that homosexuals are “clearly” or even ambiguously not getting into Heaven.
I assume you are the same “RB”who posted a rather absurd comment on my blog as well.
Perhaps when you are interested in actual civil dialogue we can talk. Until then I would ask that you refrain from your judgmental posture and listen to the lives of others in order to learn more about the one that you are currently living.
I do not think that this is absurd as you presume it to be, but rather more of a Truth.
As Christians we understand that the sin is just as important as the sinner. Regardless. To say that a ‘practicing homosexual’ has gained entrance into heaven because of a profession in Christ, then i would seriously doubt that profession.
First, if they are a professing Christian, then they make a mockery of the Cross of Christ, by their open rebellion, you as a Bible Scholar should already know this. We are aware that the Scriptures clearly teach that this is so but when we twist the Truth to be what we want and not what it states then we are just as guilty as they, the sinner.
Second, to state that a professing practicing homosexual has gained acces to the Throne as they “once were”, then we make God a liar and His Truth is not in us, again i would believe that as a Bible Scholar you would already know this.
So, with this knowledge in hand and reading your post it does make we wonder:
Are you still a Christian?
And, if so, how do you reconcile that God hates Homosexuality and clearly states that homosexuals will NOT get into Heaven?
“To say that a ‘practicing homosexual’ has gained entrance into heaven because of a profession in Christ, then i would seriously doubt that profession.”
Sounds like you want to pass judgment on my heart which if you must do…
You can doubt my faith in Christ or my belief that God still calls those who are gay to serve him. You can doubt the stories of gay people all over the world who have a deep and personal relationship with their lord as they faithfully proclaim christ crucified and witness to his resurrection to the trinity. You can doubt that God can love two men or two women who have found the love of Christ in the midst of their relationship.
But if you do doubt, be sure that God is not present at all and that this is some sort of a delusion or trick of satan. Be sure of this lest you grieve the holy spirit and call God a liar. But as they say in AA, i chose to let go and let god a long time ago. It is only after i let of of everything i held to be immutable in my conviction that I heard God’s voice and not my own voice reflecting my own selfish thoughts back at me.
I do not think they make a mockery of the cross for the gross is a mercy seat of grace not condemnation. If two people of the same gender happen to love each other, am I to judge that love as something not of God if God is love? IS God not present in that relationship because the condemnation of the law must supercede the love of God as witnessed in the easter passion? If the cross is a real event in human history, then let the love of God manifest it self where God chooses and let us follow it where it goes lest Christ died for nothing and the cross becomes our condemnation.
For this, I say to you that you may continue on the path of absolute dependency on the law as you interpret it. But to God this is an idol for which God’s wrath is not stayed.
God bless, and let go… so that God may reign.
Clear enough?
BTW - where, in the Greek or Hebrew preferably does it say that God will not let homosexuals into heaven? You got me there! I’m always eager to learn something new
In the quote:
you seem to think that i am being judgmental, quite the contrary, i am only using the Scriptures and stateing how they speak. Should one make a public profession in Christ, then the Scriptures are clear that there would also be a change in lifestyle. So i see that a still practicing homosexaul who profess’ Christ, may not have truly been converted but are rather pleasing the people for personal gain. This is a mockery of the Cross.–
Yes, God is Love and His Love extends to ALL mankind, regardless of their current lifestyle, yet to meet Christ and not be changed after accepting Him, is again against Scriptures and the innumerable witness’ that we have today. I have no issues that same gender can be compassionate to another, even to the point of saying that they love them, we see this example in Christ, to which we should love others as well. Yet to say that God would sanction a marriage based on same gender love is against Scriptures, and to live this lifestyle and say that it is based on Scripture is going against God.
I have doubts to your faith in regards to accepting that homosexuality is sanctioned by God and has God’s Blessing when united in the bonds of marriage. And should one have a deep and personal relationship with God through Christ, i would believe that they would have a deeper understanding of this as well. But you give the indication that you have recieved a differnet revelation, to which i would be happy to hear about and how it is that you came to the conclusion that God and His Law has changed
As to the comment of a trickery of satan, yes i believe that it is. Mostly due to that it goes against Scripture and that of God. To say that one has met God through Christ and can still live in sin then yes i would have a tendancy to doubt that they really met God through Christ. In the Gospels we have many who met Christ, but not all came to God through Christ. Theres a big difference.
The manifestation of God in our Loving another is greater than you and i, yet when we as the created say and attempt to promote as Truth that God will sanction the unity of two same genders and pass Blessing upon that union, then we as the created have perverted and twisted the Truth to what we want and not what God has commanded. I have no doubts that God can be in a relationship of same genders, we can see this love manifested between Jonathon and David, but they did not marry, nor consumate this love in the perverted and twisted way that homosexuals do.
Sorry but i do not follow how being submissive to God and God’s Law to be an idol.
————
Gen 19:1-13
Lev 18:22; Lev 18:29; Lev 20:13
Rom 1:26-27; Rom 1:32
1Cr 6:9-11
1Ti 1:8-10
RB- You are totally missing the point. The author is pointing out that YOUR interpretation of scripture and the law is what you are holding as an idol. Can you even humble yourself enough to permit the slightest possibility that you are WRONG? Is it possible that God is bigger and more compassionate than your interpretation of a 2000 plus year old document allows? This statement does not negate the power of scripture or its authority; it simply puts it into perspective. The most learned theologians and most faithful followers of the law were the ones that had the hardest time grasping Jesus’ message of radical love and acceptance. The message of the first being last and the workers in the vineyard all getting the same reward- what do these messages mean to you?
And how audacious of you to judge someones faith the way you have in your posts. Please, cast your stones because you must be without sin. I say to you- beware- Jesus was always the most harsh to the self-righteous.
On this hang all the law and the prophets: love the lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. These are the words of Christ.
ALS,
No. I do not believe that I am in any respect. My interpretation is beyond just me, but rather as you have put it 2000 years old. Since when did God change His mind about homosexuality? And as Drew has not yet answered as to his supposed ‘revelation’ I would believe and support that the Law of God and the Sacrifice of Christ in Support of that Law – still stands.
Your statement does not negate the Power nor the Authority of the Scriptures, so where then does a perspective that conflicts with this Power and Authority take precedence over it? Are we as the created now to assume Authority over the Power that Inspired the Scriptures and gave limited Authority to the created to support them? Surely, you are not imply-ing that we as the created are telling God how ‘He’ wants ‘us’ to live-are you?
I take it that you are saying that a “radical love and acceptance” of the same is that we are to embrace a lifestyle that God clearly defines as an abomination to mankind and to God Himself, is really what Jesus was all about/? If so, then for 2000 years we have been sooo wrong in what is clear in the Scriptures and what God has been telling mankind for century’s that to Him is detestable.
I am sorry, but the first being last and the vineyard have nothing to do with a lifestyle that is deplorable in the Eyes of the Almighty. So I fail to see your connection, but encourage you to share what you think is the connection and will gladly discuss this with you.
I am not judging his faith, yet in a parallel of what the Scriptures speak I can see a definite difference in the two, and I prefer the Scriptures, and how they are clear in this manner. We, as true Believers, have authority to compare –different than judging- ones lifestyle to what the Scriptures give representation of in regards to other believers, its called trying the spirit. And, should the spirit[another believer] be in conflict with what the Scriptures speak then, yes, we are to make a motion to clarify and to discuss, so that we can live a harmonious life – as Believers.
I stand by my earlier statement in that, Should one come to the Cross and make a public Profession of Christ and not be changed, beit their life and their lifestyle, then yes I question that profession – all in accordance to what is set forth in the Scriptures.
R.
So, RB, to sum up and to answer my question, gay people cannot receive Christ. That is your judgment. And it is a judgment based on an inherited understanding of the bible that you are assuming to be immutable. This is, by default, being judgmental. I never claimed a new “revelation” other than what I have concluded is reasonable in terms of how to read Scripture in terms of the cultures in which we inhabit today. One Psalm says to dash your children against the rock, but I would never do that. I hope you worship from sundown Friday through Sundown Saturday as well. And…good thing that I can get myself an indentured servant (you know, a slave) to clean my house! Nice.
I am not going to judge people as you have though. I will allow God the freedom to do that for me and err on the side of grace. Maybe you should hang out with more gay people who have a clear passion for the message of the Gospel and desire to see a broken world healed by Christ’s saving grace. They are … well … everywhere. Evidence enough for me.
So keep building your wonderfully anemic strawman while the rest of us bask in God’s love.
Yo drew.
get your posts correct. Please show me where i stated that gay’s cannot receive Christ?
then correctly post a response in what i did post.
Should gays who have a clear passion for the message of the Gospel and desire to see a broken world healed by Christ’s saving grace have a clear and God given passion - then they would not be gay- and worse yet i believe that you know the Scriptures well enough to understand that your statement goes against Scripture.
As to the rest, about dashing your children etc., etc., now you are being childish and slightly unruly.
R.
RB or R: Matt and I have a clear passion for the message of the Gospel and a desire to see a broken world healed by Christ’s saving grace…and we are GAY. Anyway, this conversation has run its course - as we will not agree on the basic premise. Furthermore, I cannot allow any further comments on this site that claim God disapproves of homosexuality in and of itself - as such a statement is neither theologically accurate nor pastoral in nature. All further comments in this vein will be deleted.